How God Worked In Mark and Debbie’s Lives to Direct Them Toward Being Marriage Facilitators for Dynamic Marriage

November 23, 2011

As we were getting ready to leave for our driving trip to Alaska, my brother Joel, and his wife Barb, told us about an eight-week marriage course they attended, called Dynamic Marriage. The purpose for their going to the course was in part, to strengthen their marriage, but mainly to encourage some other couples who they suspected needed encouragement. However, once the course began, they found their romance improving to such an extent that had they known what would happen, they would have attended just for themselves, gladly paying the $150 for the course! They knew we did not have eight weeks to go to the course, but felt so strongly about the course that they suggested we attend the facilitators training so we could lead the course for couples in Swaziland once we got back. Hearing those comments sparked our interest, but we still needed more convincing. They suggested we read two books which are used as text books, written by Willard F. Harley, Jr. called “His Needs, Her Needs” and “Love Busters”. Knowing we were going to spend long hours in the car, Debbie and I agreed to read them aloud and discuss each chapter as we drove. We finished one book on the way up and the other on the way back. As we read the books we were introduced to new information we had not known before and wondered why it had taken 32 years of marriage to gain this knowledge. We saw improvements to our romantic relationship just while reading the books.

After arriving back at Joel’s home a month and a half later, the question in our minds was: Should we attempt to take the training course? I had become convinced we should try, but Debbie was still a bit skeptical. I knew there were big hurdles to overcome. A few of them being: the place, the timing, renting a car and the cost of the course ($600). It all looked like a huge financial and time consuming mountain. Looking at our schedule and Dynamic Marriage’s schedule, we found the only places we could attend the training were in California and Texas; both places would require plane travel, car rental and lodging costs. While reading the books, one of the primary concepts was: If you’re both not enthusiastically convinced to do something, don’t do it, as the person who gets their way will actually lose in the marriage relationship; in other words: “You win the battle, but lose the war”. As I was moving boldly toward checking out the possibilities, Debbie asked me, “Do we have enthusiastic agreement?” The question stopped me in my tracks and made me realize I had another hurdle I hadn’t considered. You see, Debbie didn’t feel comfortable standing up in front of people to speak and lead. She didn’t mind if I could pursue finding out what role she could play, but until that question was answered, it was a ‘no go.’ Therefore, my first question when I called Family Dynamics Institute was, “What roles do the facilitators cover when giving the course?” The answer? One person leads and the other organizes. This fit us perfectly, because Debbie is a great organizer and the leading part could be left to me, something I was comfortable with. We now had enthusiastic agreement, if the other difficulties could be overcome, we could move ahead.

The next questions were the timing and place: Marty, my contact at Family Dynamics, suggested we consider a weekend in the middle of October in the Nashville area. Debbie glanced at the calendar. To our amazement that weekend had recently freed up, due to a pastor’s desire to reschedule us to another weekend. Also, Debbie wanted to go to a women’s conference during the same time frame, but it had fallen through. Looking at our travel plans, we discovered we were due to travel up through Nashville just a few days before the dates he was suggesting. This would only take a few days adjustment. But where would we stay? I quickly agreed I would call Marty back the next day after gathering more information.

One of our stops included a cousin of mine and her parents (my Uncle and Aunt) who were living with her and her family just south of Nashville. So I called her and briefed her on our plans and that we might be taking a training course near Nashville and how it might turn out that we would need a place to stay four nights instead of the one night she had already agreed to…did she know of a good place we could stay? She answered, “We have a big house and plenty of room. We would love to have you stay the whole time with us!” Wow, now we had a place to stay…but how far would we have to drive to attend the course? During rush hour it can take a long time to get across town. My next call to Marty was to pin down the exact location. “Where in the Nashville area was the course being held, because I have just located a place to stay in Murfreesboro?” Marty replied, “Well, you will be pleased to hear that the course is being held in Murfreesboro!” We couldn’t believe it. It was only six miles from her house to the church. We now had our car with us -- so no car rental, we had found a place to stay -- so no motel costs, and it just happened to fall in the exact town in which the course was being held. We immediately asked to join the course and paid for it through our credit card, agreeing between us that we were willingly cover the $600 ourselves from our personal funds.

The next day we received an email from a friend, Tom King, asking us to please visit him during our furlough. He owns a company which manufactured the antenna system for the TWR medium wave station in Sri Lanka where we were working in the 1990’s. The timing of our visit fit to take up one of the three days needed to get us to the course on time. We could overnight at their house. The second day could be filled seeing a high school classmate we had not seen for a number of years and the third we hoped could be taken up just relaxing by ourselves in a motel, giving us a break from our busy schedule. However, the third night turned into a problem. It was the peak fall season and everything was booked by people coming to see the fall colors. Debbie came up with a suggestion. Why not stay at Fairhaven, a beautiful retreat center for pastors and missionaries? I thought that sounded good, so she started to check the internet. She discovered Fairhaven only took booking for two nights, not one. Part of the problem was quickly solved by asking Tom if it would be okay to see him and his wife for lunch instead of staying overnight. “Perfect” he said, “that will be no problem.” However, another problem popped up when I called Fairhaven and was told they were fully booked. Disappointed but understanding their ministry, I said, “Before I hang up, I’d like to thank you for your wonderful work. We stayed at Fairhaven ten years ago and it was a very relaxing and enjoyable time in the middle of our furlough travels. I understand you work from a heart of love and service, sacrificing to help missionaries and pastors. I want you to know that it was appreciated by us. Thank you.” She responded, “Thank you very much for your kind remarks…just a minute. I notice a cancellation I didn’t see before.” Was this a coincidence? Our stay was not planned, yet God arranged a display of colors not often seen by us who are seldom in that part of the world! Our camera worked overtime! Our cost? $10.00 since a friend gave us money just a week before to do something like this.

In our travels, one of the required things to do is spend a few days at TWR’s head office in Cary, NC. One of the key persons we touch base with is the head of the Human Resource Department, Kris Carraway. During this interview she asked how things are going on the field and furlough. So naturally the subject of taking the facilitators training came up. I described our thinking and why we felt it would help TWR. She expressed interest, so I gave her the books to look over so she would have an idea of what we were doing. At the end of the interview Kris surprised us when she said, “I want to pay for the Dynamic Marriage Facilitators Training course.” “But I didn’t ask you to do this.” I responded. “I know,” she said, “but I have some funds for this type of training and I want to apply them to the course. So please let me pay for it.” I couldn’t believe my ears. Now, even the cost of the course was being provided for!

One last coincident happened after we arrived at my cousin’s home. They were wondering where the course is being held. When we told them the name of church, they said, “That’s the church we attend!”

With all these different details coming together; we think maybe God has some other things planned for the future. We enjoyed the training and look forward to being a part of the first course.